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(Contains: ideologically sensitive material)
she was just a girl.
a girl with, what she thought, was little strength and no options.

how can you be free when so many things weigh you down?
what kind of life is lived peeking out from behind your fears?
am i wearing them upon me now?

she could dance, couldn’t she? she could leap up and touch down softly. her reflection, dancing along… slowly at first and then rapidly. she could stretch and bend, she could spin and jump. she could do that.
and if she fell? could she get up again? could she check her feet and ankles for injuries and decide it was alright? maybe, but was it still safe to try again?

he was silent, staring back at her. she couldn’t stop the tears from flowing, and she was embarrassed but the grief pounding at her head and bulging behind her eyes was persistent. the sobs came out, big and bursting, gasping and crinkling her eyes. It wasn’t a soft or lovely cry. It wasn’t the kind of sadness she’d experienced from heartbreak or from feeling depressed. In fact those seemed ridiculous and silly now. She wished he would hold her. He looked just lost. He looked like a kid. A scared kid, caught with his hand in the cookie jar. The moment she thought that, she realized how young she must also look.
she tried not to hate him.
this man, or boy, she’d given herself to him… she remembered the way they fell so beautifully in love… nights of his soft touch and whispers and how she’d treasured it. he was never unkind, he was never selfish. he gave everything he had to her. he and she became ‘we’, and she knew that he was the man she wanted beside her as long as she lived…
but she tried not to hate him.
because he knew what the answer was. the dreadful, unspeakable answer. and she tried to imagine another option. in fact, she almost was glad that he’d suggested it first. she wouldn’t have been able to speak the words.
he said it and he stuck by it, and so she got to fight it, she got to cry about it and beg for a different option, but even when he relented, ‘I can’t make you go through with this.’, she became terrified. And so she was heartbroken.
she said in the waiting room, ‘we could walk out right now’, she didn’t know if he’d heard. maybe she didn’t actually say it. she was on a lot of drugs.
that was the best day, and she hates that it was the best day because it was the worst. but she was on a lot of drugs. and so that was the only day she didn’t cry.
she didn’t feel any different afterwards at first and she hated that too. wasn’t she supposed to feel empty, like she’d lost something? or maybe relieved like the pamphlet said? she didn’t want to feel sad. but sometimes she did and sometimes she didn’t.
when she thought about it, when it wasn’t an ‘it’, when it was a he or she, when it had been inside her. she had felt heavy. and important. and now she was neither.
she needed him. now, more than ever. but he didn’t hurt like she did. or if he did, he didn’t show it.
she wondered if he ever thought about it, when it wasn’t an it. she guessed men were just like that, strong and doing what they need with their heads up, and not looking back.

when she told her mother,
her mother cried and said it would have all worked out eventually, but she knew it wasn't true, and if it was she didn’t want that kind of guilt.
her mother never mentioned it again, and to this day they pretend it never happened.
but there are lots of things her mother pretends never happened.  
she called a hotline.
and as she talked her way through her thoughts, she was assured they were all normal feelings and in fact, was told that she was just fine and thinking rationally and would be okay again in time.
she knew that, she had just wanted to talk.

months passed, and everyone was right
the pain eased, she didn’t think about it all the time anymore. she only thought about it every once in a while when she dreamt about her or him and reminded herself that it had been just an ‘it’.
one day, he said, we’ll try for real.
she wondered if that day would ever come, or if her dreams would always be in the way. then again, she wondered if she minded, after all, she’d never wanted ‘it’ in the first place.
but she could dance, couldn't she?
when it was
a short story about something sad. 
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Emocinderella
Cindy
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
I am always changing and growing
My heart is beating and sometimes
over
flow-
ing.

Current Residence: Somewhere over the rainbow
deviantWEAR sizing preference: small
Favourite genre of music: Lately I've been listening to the radio...meaning I've taken a liking to whatever's p
Favourite photographer: red_head_dreamer
Favourite style of art: Anything that glitters
Shell of choice: turtle
Wallpaper of choice: one with flowers on it.
Skin of choice: yours, close to mine
Favourite cartoon character: Little Mermaid
Personal Quote: Let's more than tobacco into our lungs for once, let's take love and get addicted. ^_^
Interests
Why would you add me to your watch when you know I haven't posted in two years???
As far as you know, I could be dead!

yeah,
i used to write. i used to feel things and write about them.

and then i turned 21 and guess what

drowning in wine is better than poetry because yhou don't have edit it. 

the end. 

(i'd like to promise new stuff soon, 
but lets be real. )
  • Mood: Longing
  • Listening to: Samba du mon couer

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:iconheavyrainfall:
Heavyrainfall Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2011
Hey what's your other account?
Reply
:iconemocinderella:
Emocinderella Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
you can't just ask like that. message me.
Reply
:icongraphitemoons:
GraphiteMoons Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2011
HAPPY BIRTHDAAAYYY!! :iconlaplz:
Reply
:iconemocinderella:
Emocinderella Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Hehe, thanks!
Reply
:iconmaryellengrady:
MaryellenGrady Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2011
This is in reply to a comment you left me on Jan. 23. I tried to leave the comment there buy it wouldn't take it because I'm no longer a premium member. Knew I'd find a way somehow.
Thanks, Cindy, you are very generous and kind too. I've been hiding out after my embarrassing fiasco with your review. Now I really don't want to post but know that I am just a really big chicken. Shortly after your letter of explanation I spent most of one day trying to write a free verse explaining how I felt in response and how great your poetry is. I might still post parts of it if I can find it and have the nerve. I find that sometimes when I let writing rest and go back I see that it doesn't suck the big one after all, just the mamma and baby sized ones.

Maryellen
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:icontearsfadewithyou:
tearsfadewithyou Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2011
thank you so much for the favorite on 'don't you dare lie' and 'just a small town girl' <3
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:iconjacqui-aime:
Jacqui-Aime Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
tHANKS FOR THE LLAMA BADGE :)
Reply
:iconsamestripes:
SameStripes Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2011  Student Writer
thanks so much for the watch! :heart:

also: wow, you're pretty. had to say it xD

anyway, so yeah, thank you! :)
Reply
:iconemocinderella:
Emocinderella Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! I don't watch many people, and I look over their galleries first. Your art has a very deserving place in my select few of deviants. ^_^ I feel privileged to have discovered your work.

Also: awwwwwhhhh thanks!
Reply
:iconsamestripes:
SameStripes Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2011  Student Writer
thank you very much :D

you're welcome >.<
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