Love was never meant to be easy. You'd think it was, the way it's portrayed. In the movies, the boy and the girl always fall in love in the end. They just can't help it. I've always wanted a love like that. I'm sure I'm not the only one, either. We all saw the boy-meets-girl scene, the joy of falling for someone, and the way the characters lived out their dreams. Knowing full well that they were just actors, filling the roles they were given, reading from a page that was written by some starry-eyed writer. But we wanted it too.
I once starred in romance, the most movie-like romance you could get. It was so cleche. But I loved every moment of it, thinking, "This is just like a movie. This will be perfect. We will finally have our 'happily ever after'" But they had never showed in the movie, the part where the boy and girl fall out of love. The part when the boy forgets love, forgets why he even wanted her. And the girl prays he will remember, pretends it isn't happening. Only to be disappointed. And then I realized, real Love couldn't be like a movie. Love can't end happily because love should never end. But nevertheless, the credits were rolling, and he was nowhere in sight.
So I quit the role, refused to act alongside him anymore. And the on-screen chemistry was lost. I began trying to remember the long lost words of my old monologue, my script from before I met him. It had been written by my friends and family, the words of wisdom I'd been taught all my life. It had been written by movies and magazines, and Disney's ideals of love about a prince who would rescue me. But even though I remembered, the words were difficult to say, and they didn't always come out right. I kept waiting for him to finish the dialogue for me, for him to play opposite me again and complete the scene. It had been so much easier to speak of my dreams and wishes of love before they had all been proven wrong . As I choked the words out, they felt strange. I kept repeating myself, but I didn't believe any of it. I knew the old script would not suffice.
I began writing my own script. I contemplated the meaning of each word, testing whatever it was I'd been told to say before. It was a long and difficult process, and at times I wanted to give it all up and beg him to let me be his Juliet again. But I knew that was no longer my role. This was my story, and it needed to be written. So I continued on, night and day, letting my pain soak the paper and become part of the script. I wrote of the past, the things I had learned from loving him and losing him. I wrote of the future and the endless possibilities. Writing each word with care, I formed my part in the monologue, and as I was making her, she was making me. I was becoming the character I was meant to play.
And when it was complete, I found that it was good even without him. My words could have strength and meaning, and so could I, even standing all alone on the stage. And so, with the spotlight shining in my eyes, I walked to center stage, faced my audience, the world. I took a deep breath. And began my very own monolgue.